Eviction Notice Served!

I didn’t know how to take it this morning when the doctor walked into the office, took a look at me and said “wow! You’re still pregnant!”…. Don’t get me wrong, I am by no means 42 weeks or long overdue (although it seems like it since it has been 6 weeks since things started going crazy with my body) but, because we have 4 doctors to rotate with and this one saw me 4 weeks ago in the ER and put me on bed rest, I think she was under the assumption I would pop early….little did she know we are dealing with MY child.

So, I will have you all know that the Ambien is working wonders! I can now sleep 3 hours at a time before contractions wake me up (can you sense the sarcasm..But at least it is better than last week when I had NO sarcasm). Contractions have “changed”…I don’t like to say “gotten stronger” or make any assumptions here, because heck, I have NO idea of what full blown labor is going to feel like, but things are different and Emma is REALLY launched in my crotch now. It is like walking with a basketball between the legs and the peanut gallery (aka Gregory) bursts into fits of laughter when I have to get up and walk. After 5 weeks of no weight gain, I just put on the mother-load…4 lbs in 6 days…and I swell up like a cheese poof! I am still peeing myself because they checked to see if my water had broke today...no such luck…sigh. Oh, and I have dilated a whopping 0%; this is real progress folks.

Despite my desperate begs to induce this Friday (1 day before 39 weeks); you will notice, gone are the sobs of last week “Am I a bad mom if I ask you to induce before 40 weeks!!??” and replaced with “I don’t care how, just get her out!” (I made a new best-friend nurse who said I was her favorite mom-to-be because I wanted to do it the “easy way”) the doctor kept a firm stand on Monday. Which, I can fully understand and respect; sanctions are in place for certain reasons. And really, why wouldn’t I want to spend another weekend bonding with my unborn squirming child, Ambien and gummi bears?...Plus, I do have a few things to take care of before Emma arrives, including stocking up on the olives (for the gin martini) and tonic water (for the gin and tonic) and a sushi menu (for the 20 rolls of sushi I will stuff my face with once Emma arrives!).

All kidding aside, some people have asked me if I am nervous/scared/excited and the answer is a little bit of everything. As for labor, since it will be a controlled induction….which, I like to joke about that they will pump me full of pitocin till I am contracting like crazy and I still WON’T dilate (Gregory jokes Emma has put up an electric fence around my uterus, a brick wall and has guard dogs because she is content on eating gummi bears and gelato, and is in a temperature regulated environment in the middle of one heck of a hot summer!) Anyhow, back to controlled induction; the minute it starts to hurt, I am going for the epidural. In my mind, they can load me up with as much pitocin as they want to get the process rolling as long as I have an epidural or some sort of narcotic; I am not picky. And, God forbid, if there are complications, they can get Emma out however they wish, just as long as she gets out healthy and safe. I know, I am a really high pain-in-the-butt patient…actually, I AM considering the last 6 weeks and that every doctor/nurse/staff knows who I am, but I blame it on Emma; she is high maintenance.

One thing I am going to say, and it is not to judge or be judged by anyone. But, I REFUSE to set expectations about birthing….if I have learned anything at all over the past 6 weeks, It is everyone is different. How you get to the end goal does not matter, the only thing that matters is that Gregory and I end up with a healthy, screaming (even cone-headed and squished face) Emma.

And that cone-headed, squished face comment comes from the latest pregnancy magazine that lists all the things your husband “may” want to say about your new child/childbirth process vs. what he should say. Somehow I don’t think that Gregory reads these magazines….he is the man who steals my “pregnancy pillow” in the middle of the night and jokes about my “barricaded cervix.”

So, here is how it is going to go down. On Sunday I get to go to the hospital to have a “balloon” put into my cervix by my favorite doctor: the cutest 4 foot lady with a booming, energetic voice; she is a maternity cheerleader! It’s like a party, balloons and all!! I know, TMI, but if my cervix is not dilated, they need to help it out. Then home to sleep and Monday morning I go in to be hooked up to the pitocin drip…and the epidural..Can’t forget that! Then Emma will be evicted whether she likes it or not. AND the doctor on call for the “delivery” is the one who dealt with me in the hospital 6 weeks ago with infections and all, so I am SURE she is just as excited to learn she won’t have to deal with me anymore. Overall, it is shaping up to be quite the day!

One more thing…people ask me what I look forward to the most not being pregnant. And as much as everyone bets it is that “drink” or roll of “sushi” it is actually being able to eat a “full” meal. The stomach is a muscle; I will TRAIN it back into shape! I also can’t wait to get in the pool (have not been in since the infections due to obvious reasons); yes, hell just froze over…I said I wanted to get in the water! I also want to get back on the bike…but, that is no surprise and Gregory and I have started looking at some frame. I am also not sure what it will be like not to have a squirming baby inside of me or feel a contraction every 10 minutes. That being said, I think there will be MANY other things to keep my attention.

So, there you have it…baby Menvielle WILL be here soon and the fun is about to begin. Starting with Friday…the French invasion begins! Oh Lord…if there is nothing cuter/exciting than a newborn it must be the soon-to-be grandparent(s). Oh, and for the record, I DID manage to remove my 2 month old toenail polish the other day…now I just need to find the flexibility and energy to re-paint them. My Auntie-In-Law is extremely concerned that my toenails look nice since they will probably be the first thing Emma sees when she comes out. If Emma is not here by Friday, I know what Cocole will be doing on Saturday!

So, I am sure everyone is tired of reading about “Baby Emma” and “Pregnancy”…next post will still be about “Baby Emma” hopefully with cute pictures and all!

The powerful combination of Green Gummi Bears and Ambien

I am hungover….really, I am. I’m on the juice, the Ambien juice that is. Doctors offered me morphine, but I am just not into that harder stuff. Woke up from a 4 hour induced sleep and am feeling really groovy…

And no, this is not just because I just delivered Emma….however, she will come on August 2nd, if not sooner. That is my induction date. I fall at 39 weeks on a Saturday so they will induce the following Monday. It will be a party. Everyone start preparing; I think we should have carrot cake, a sushi buffet and martini station set up in the hospital room.

So what exactly has been going on? Other than I have banished myself to crochet island? Well, I don’t want to bore you with details and it is relatively simple; my body is shot. Ever since I dealt with the hospital stay/infections and all the other life stresses handed to me (which, BTW IS LIFE…crap happens and we can only deal with it the best I can…guess my mind is stronger than my body) I have been dealing “false labor/contractions.” At first they were mild and taken care of with bed rest, then they got stronger and we ended up in the ER the other weekend and then they keep getting stronger but never enough to warrant an ER visit or claw my eyeballs out. I have not been able to sleep and most of what I eat comes back up (except for Candy and gelato..Emma has great taste!). So, when I went into the doctors today, took a look at me, my vitals, the contractions etc…they came to the conclusion that this woman should be institutionalized….just kidding! They did conclude that my body has been so “traumatized and run down” that my uterus contracts, just not in an efficient manner (I was ready to tell them if they want to see a traumatized and run down body, they should come see me after an Ironman…but I figured it smarter to keep my mouth shut). Now, for all of you ladies who have had babies, imagine “early labor” for weeks on end…it is a great workout!


My newest project: Baby Mittens! Next up: Booties and Hats...and there is a "major" project in the mix that needs to remain secret for now...plus it might give away exactly how much time I spend crocheting, LOL!


All kidding aside, the doctors must weigh the health of the mom and baby in these situations. Right now, Emma is super! Mom, not so super….they are worried that I don’t have the energy/reserves to deliver a baby, let alone take care of one. So, the doctor wanted to admit me to the hospital and put me into morphine induced sleep. I had to politely decline since that would mean missing the last stages of the TDF and I have seen the hospital room enough… Plus, Emma likes watching bike racing and I am getting some great ideas for my “birthing present”..Which, has been upgraded from my “as long as it fits bike frame” to “I deserve full carbon, Durace and a powermeter” because they said my cervix will “pop” and are now offering me morphine…really, having that glass of red wine right now does not sound so bad considering all the drugs they are offering.

So, for all of you wondering “what’s next”…well, Gregory is set on Emma arriving this weekend because it is a full moon. I am not sure what to think about this….

Until Emma arrives or the 2nd, I am on orders to keep myself “juiced up” and sleeping. So, my days will be awfully exciting….this does resemble my comment to Gregory earlier today “If I have not progressed at all, they will have to tranquilize me.” I think Gregory is taking some sick sort of satisfaction out of that…his last week of peace and quiet before he has 2 monsters in the house.

I am at 1.5 cm dilated and baby is dropped to -1 and I am 60% effaced. I know, this means everything!! I don’t even know why I keep telling people…

Emma likes to squirm a lot! She is tired of this pregnancy too…and she knows her bassinet is made and ready. Right now it is occupied by her stuffed toys so Gregory has stuff to “play” with in the middle of the night until his daughter arrives.

Oh, and I had the BEST gift arrive today!! I don’t know who it is from…but all I can say is it is greatly appreciated and EXACTLY what I needed to lift mine and Emma’s spirits (well, get us out of bed that is). A 2 lb bag of green gummi bears arrived in the mail…1 lb is gone…I still have “potentially” 10 days to indulge and I am going to make the most of it!

Alright, on a final note, I want to thank everyone for checking in on me and your kind comments/thoughts; it means the world to me! Emma is going to have a great group of friends to entertain! For now, I am putting myself on “stand bye” if I don’t answer the phone/email, I am most likely sleeping or in labor; let’s hope for the latter!

Once Emma arrives, I will make sure to have Gregory update this blog with a few pictures and such….

This is Chewy and Emma signing off!!....

The birth canal not taken...

Happy Bastille Day!!

It is the French Independence day and I had a little talk with Emma this morning. I told her that her dad would be very, very happy if she could arrive today. It would make remembering her birthday so much easier!!

Well, it has been another fun filled week and of course we could not miss our regular trip to the ER. Yes, you heard me correct, I was back in the hospital again. I am SO looking forward to spending a few days there in the nice rooms with schwag accommodations that I get a little bit “over-excited” or shall I say, my uterus gets a bit “over-excited.”

It is becoming more and more apparent that I am the “exception” when it comes to normal pregnancy. Last week on Wednesday I had my check-up with no progress in terms of dilation but still contractions. The doctor was not worried and just told me to call when they become a regular 5 minutes apart and stronger with backache.

So, Saturday, I noticed the contractions picking up. I actually thought “this is it”…then after 5 hours…they tapered off. Another false alarm....yet, that is pretty normal these days, so I was not the least concerned. I am convinced I will have the strongest abdominal muscles when this is all over!

Sunday we were scheduled to go watch our neighbor Tom and Super God Mamma race the Boulder Peak triathlon. Menvielles were to depart at 5:50 am to get to the race site.

I was in bed by 10 pm on Saturday and ready to get my “cheer” on the next morning. Emma was ready to get her cheer on at 11:45 pm. Yup, I woke up with the worst back ache ever and some pretty strong contractions with my daughter throwing fits because she was being “squished.” Images of those movie scenes where the woman taps her husband and says “it’s time” flashed through my head. But, Gregory was snoring and I figured I would see how things progressed…1 ½ hours later things were still going on, 5 minutes apart. I thought it might be time to wake the snoring oblivious husband, who proceeded to wake up and think it was time to go to a triathlon.

Me (tapping Gregory): “Time to wake up”

Gregory (groggy and scratching eyes):” Let’s get our cheer on!!”

Me: “Hon, its 1 am and I think I am in labor”

Gregory:”You mean it’s not time to go to the triathlon?”

Me:” No, I am having contractions!”

Gregory:” Are you ok? What do you think we should do?”

Then I started having flashbacks to the 6 am wake-up call about when I broke the news to Gregory that I was pregnant…sighed and decided to call the doctor.

Doctor said it was time to come in sooner than later since things should really start rolling soon.

Great!! Baby Emma is on the way. What do new “parents to be do in the middle of the night when they are told to come into the hospital within 15 minutes?” Well, if you are my husband, you shave and shower so you can look nice for the camera and daughter. If you are me, you shower and shave your legs because you don’t know when the next time you can do that will be. Imagine shaving legs with contractions at 1:30 am…enough said.

2 am we are at the hospital and I am hooked up to the monitors. My contractions are exactly 5 minutes apart and 50-60% in intensity. The fun thing with the labor and delivery ward is that there are computer screens where you can watch everyone else’s contractions. The lady next door was going contraction on contraction with me. I was SO excited when the nurse came in and told me that the neighbor was 5 cm dilated and on her way.

Me:”That means Emma’s on her way!”

Nurse:”Let’s check how dilated you are now”

Me: “Oh, I hope I am more than 5cm”

Nurse (checking…I will spare you details): “Ummmm”

Me: “What? Am I further along??”

Nurse: “Well…”

Me: “What”

Nurse: “Your cervix is still posterior, you are still 1 cm and 50% effaced. So, nothing is happening”

Me:” What the hell!!!!”

Nurse:”You could just be in VERY early labor…we will monitor you for a while and then check again. Cervixes can be tricky, sometimes they take a while to POP”

Me:”My cervix will POP?”

Nurse:” Everyone is different”

Me (desperation in my voice):”How do I make my cervix POP?”

……Long story shorter…turns out that I am one of those “Exceptions” yet again….The doctor finally made it in to give me the scoop.

My body technically shows every sign of labor and is contracting regularly but no progress is being made. So, since I am a few days short of 37 weeks, they will not do anything. Turns out that this can go on for hours, days, weeks…and all they can do Is give me ambien to sleep. Great, just what I need, more drugs, more waiting and more contractions. I am the queen of false labor…I am in Hell…

AND, even though these contractions are uncomfortable and painful, I MUST wait until I am ready to claw my eyeballs out to come back into the hospital. If I make it to 39 weeks they will induce…I feel that there might be a bit of negotiating going on at my next appointment. Let’s not kid ourselves; I have been having contractions for almost 5 weeks now. Even the most patient person (which is NOT me) would be a bit frustrated. I will not go into the details of how I am scheming to get this child out, nor what I have asked Gregory to do in order to aid me. Let’s just say that there is a reason in every pregnancy book they tell you not to try and check your own cervix and why people in my state are not allowed near sharp objects. Gregory has also taken the truck away from me and forced me to stay at home in air-conditioning. He has not tied me up yet since I am writing this, but he has threatened to take away my gummi bears and gelato if I don’t behave.

I have a feeling this is not going to turn out well.

Scenario (Erin is actually in labor)

Erin: It hurts!

Doctor: You are 9 cm!!

Erin: I want my epidural!!

Doctor: It’s too late

Erin: You are SH*&TING me!! This is your entire fault!! You told me to come in when I was ready to claw my eyeballs out. Now I can’t have my drugs

Gregory slips me the flask of gin when the doctor is not looking….

Yes, I actually fear I might miss the epidural window, but hell, I am the “Exception” and as long as Emma comes out (sooner than later please!) the better.

Ok, enough about drugs and giving birth. I was discharged at 5:30 am with some Ambien and regular contractions that were going nowhere. Instead of going home and doing what the doctors told me, I gave them the proverbial “screw it” got a coffee and headed off to the triathlon with Gregory. We had a great morning spectating!

Laura is a fish! now, how the heck she can run like this after swimming is beyond me! Emma is learning to swim from Laura.

Crusing along on the run course. It was only a mild 1oo degrees out!

Happy neighbor Tom!

Tom is REALLY good at transitions! All joking aside, congrats on an awesome swim and great race Tom!!

Made it home a bit after noon and slept for a few hours and have been contracting ever since. Still trying to work a bit, but mostly killing time crocheting, figuring out ways to induce labor and stuffing my face with “healthy foods” (see below)

Our good friend Dondi was kind enough to pay a visit last night to check in to see how Gregory and I were doing. Well, mostly to see how I was doing. She brought me gelato and mini-cookies AND tells me I look beautiful. Hence, she is my new best friend and I allow her to drink alcohol in front of me and I restrain from drooling. In all honesty, Dondi has been great! She always checks in on me and reads my blog AND tells me I am funny. She even has a few labor-inducing suggestions!

Note: the cookies are mini; hence you can have more of them. They also have oats, so they are healthy!

Maybe labor is like a race? Perhaps I should “visualize” my water breaking…however, with my luck I would probably end up peeing myself instead.

Sigh….

On to more crocheting and knitting….

Squirrel Hunting

Yesterday marked one month until my latest-possible-due-date. What does that mean? Well, that means that if all goes accordingly, because we all know that things have been progressing extremely smoothly throughout my pregnancy that we should have a little Emma with us on August 7th!!

So, in accordance to this impending arrival, Gregory took it upon himself to put the stroller together (cue in “Mission Impossible” theme song) and no, the stroller did not end up looking like those he “tried out” in Babies R Us. Success!


Other news…we made it through the July 4th weekend WITHOUT any more trips to the ER and even celebrated our anniversary. Carrying on with my healthy diet, we made sure to celebrate 3 years married and nourish ourselves accordingly with fries and 2 pieces of cheesecake (hey, I get everything in 2’s these days!). Gregory got a salad; so lame!

I also realized I forgot to tell everyone about my garden!! Those of you who know me well, understand that I have this natural gift. I kill plants! Nothing more to it, just looking at them makes them whither up and die. I am the queen of drying roses, but as for keeping them alive…one week, max! Speaking of roses, Gregory got me some beautiful ones for our anniversary!! I am so spoiled…they are not dead yet …


Ok, back to the balcony garden. For once, I managed to keep something alive for more than a day. A few weeks actually! And then it wasn’t even my fault when things started going downhill. All of a sudden, Gregory’s tomatoes started to go missing…then a herb plant knocked over…and finally a bunch of rose buds magically disappearing from my rose bush. I thought it was my curse!! But then, one day, while sitting on the couch, I caught the culprit!!

CAUGHT RED HANDED!!

Now, that does not necessarily explain why all the rest of the flowers in the house are silk or any of the living plants belong to Gregory….but, for the time being, it is not my fault. I CAN keep a garden going and I DO have a green thumb (a very short one). Gregory is now busy booby-trapping our balcony to kill the squirrel.

What else…hmmm…oh, yeah! I am teaching myself how to knit and crochet! My mom and Gregory laughed their a$$ off at me when I told them I was going to do such a thing. Gregory thinks I am a fuddy-duddy and my mom thinks my attention span and inability to coordinate may “hinder” my progress. I told Gregory he can thank me when he wears some nice warm mittens and scarves this winter. Honestly, this stuff is hard! I am not coordinated and this takes coordination. But, I AM determined. If per chance I go into labor and the tour is not on TV I will need something to keep me busy. So far, I have knitted one “cube” and learned a few crochet stitches. I am determined! I have a bunch of yarn, a few patterns and now I just need to execute….final last words before someone finds me trying to choke myself with the circular knitting needles.

Ok, and I know all of you are dying to know what our little monster (I am talking about Emma, not me) is up to since they released me from bed-rest. The answer is “nothing”!! Holy crap! I was ready to pop this kid out 3 weeks ago and they pumped me full of drugs to stop it. Now, I am having contractions and have clearance to evict this kid, but the contractions are nothing regular or patterned, although they are stronger and uncomfortable. Yesterday we were in for a check-up and I thought I might have a bit of progress as in dilation/effacement. Nope, nothing, nadda!! I told Gregory I might lose it since my belly has been experiencing “Charlie horses” since Monday night…and according to the doctor, this could go on for weeks!! AND according to the doctor, I should come into the hospital when my water breaks or the contractions are so bad I can’t walk through them...lovely. You should have seen Gregory bite his tongue when he really wanted to tell them that I broke my pelvis running and that sort of pain-scale might not be the best to recommend to me; now we have friends placing bets on if I will make it to the hospital in time for an epidural. All I can say is that if I don’t make it in time for the epidural, the doctor is feeding me shots of gin until I can’t feel anything down there….

Practically speaking, Emma should cook for one more week, so I will try to be Miss Positive “I love being pregnant because it makes me feel so maternal and beautiful and I love my big boobs (I still think I was ripped off in this department, I mean I am barely a C-cup, C’mon, I think I earned a bit more than that!)” till I hit 37 weeks, then I am letting the “crazy” lose. Yup, my legs may fall out of my sockets but I start running again; oh, and for the record, all the crap hit the fan health-wise for me the minute I stopped my running/regular exercise. So for all of you nay-sayers, I am NOT listening! I will do sit-ups till this kid pops out or my water breaks and I will drink the “tea”…but I WONT do the castor oil (I will spare you all the details of why).

Some of you may think I am being overdramatic, and yes, I know I am (plus, if I wasn’t it wouldn’t be funny!). But, keep in mind that most pregnant women start getting/feeling contractions around 37-38 weeks and see progress at that stage. Their engines are revving up. Well, I am NOT at 37-38 weeks yet and my engine has been revving for a month already; I might be having Charlie horses (my new word for fake contractions) for 4 more weeks and to be honest, that thought is not very appealing. I am over pregnancy, hospitals and I just want to meet Emma. There…rant over, time for gelato…

On a more positive note, Emma is “docked and loaded” according to the doctor….I am not sure how to take that….Oh, and I put on the 1 lb I lost last week. My a$$ is looking very voluptuous.

Gelato…important stuff!

Jail Break!!

FREE, FREE, FREE!!! OMG!! This is the best day ever!!

You might have thought I won the lottery from how excited I am (well, to me it seems as if I have). After a week of bed-rest I was cut loose today. No, I am not allowed to go run 10 miles nor take on the world like I usually try, but, at least I am allowed out of bed.

So, doctors orders were “Listen to your body”….well, you could hear Gregory snort and mutter some obscene word underneath his breath. Yes, the doctor was instructing someone who came into the hospital a little over a week ago “feeling a bit under the weather” who ended up having 3 severe infections and in pre-term labor to “listen to my body” (and this is just one whacked out example of how I am the “exception”). Obviously, the scale needs to be adjusted. But, you know I get it; I need to stay put and be “normal.” Otherwise, Gregory has threatened to tie me up…seriously.

I am officially at 35 weeks now and the doctors are fine to let things progress naturally; so no more nasty drugs!! Well, almost no more. Turns out my body does worse on bed-rest than it does running around like a crazed lady with ADD. I think I am the only pregnant lady who can actually lose weight while on bed rest for a week! Yes, down a pound; but up 1 cm in belly growth. Emma is getting bigger; I am getting scrawny. For the past 3 days I have been sick as a dog and taking anti-nausea medicine. Another bonus side effect of impending delivery, but of course no definite timeline suggested…it could be tomorrow or 4 more weeks…lovely. Anyhow, if you want to hop on the new diet craze, just get knocked up and wait 9 months.

At one point in time we thought we might be taking Emma home with us over the weekend. You see, since Tuesday, Emma has been “migrating” downward and in the process some other “bits” get squished. Let’s just say that sometimes “accidents” happen and at this stage the doctors want to make sure that I had not broken my water. In which case they were going to admit me immediately and induce. I was a bit shocked, concerned and unprepared, but I was logical enough to have my first question lined up if I was to be induced: “when can I get the epidural?” and second “can I have a shot of gin?.” Good news is that my water was not broken; bad news is now I am peeing my pants. Better not sneeze…..

Really, at this point in time, anything is humorous. I am sure I am grossing some people out, but what the hell, this is my blog and I can write about peeing in my bike shorts during a race, so I can talk about peeing my pants while pregnant.

On the dilating front, still 1 cm, but now I am 50% effaced. Things are moving along.
My doctor told me; 2 more weeks would be great if we can get that…..so, I am crossing my legs for the time being.

My doctor also looked at my chart and the recent string of events to happen within the past 2 weeks; she then looked at Gregory and asked what my “delivery” present was....I am not sure if she was expecting the answer that she got.

I think the doctors are slowly getting an idea of who they are dealing with (now they see me every week other than once a month) when my husband mumbled “a bike frame”…

Doctor: Silece…. “oh, ok, that is nice and unique. Usually women ask for jewelry and diamonds”

Gregory: “I offered her that, but we had to negotiate. Apparently pregnancy warrants a bike frame”

Doctor (looking at me): “You know that you won’t be able to ride right after you deliver?”

Me (in stirrups): “are we done yet?”

And of course I will make sure to attach a bucket seat to my new bike frame to haul Emma around in.

So, there you have it folks, Emma will arrive sometime “soon” whether that be a day from now or 4 weeks depends on how the moon aligns and whether or not they are playing Grey’s Anatomy re-runs….yes, you can sense my sarcasm. It Is like being at the end of an Ironman yet they keep changing the finish line +/- 10 miles. All that being said, I do feel more reassured now; 35 weeks is acceptable, not perfect, but good enough should Emma decide to be impatient (gee, I really keep wondering where she gets that from??). So now I just sit back, relax and cross my legs….