Jail Break!!

FREE, FREE, FREE!!! OMG!! This is the best day ever!!

You might have thought I won the lottery from how excited I am (well, to me it seems as if I have). After a week of bed-rest I was cut loose today. No, I am not allowed to go run 10 miles nor take on the world like I usually try, but, at least I am allowed out of bed.

So, doctors orders were “Listen to your body”….well, you could hear Gregory snort and mutter some obscene word underneath his breath. Yes, the doctor was instructing someone who came into the hospital a little over a week ago “feeling a bit under the weather” who ended up having 3 severe infections and in pre-term labor to “listen to my body” (and this is just one whacked out example of how I am the “exception”). Obviously, the scale needs to be adjusted. But, you know I get it; I need to stay put and be “normal.” Otherwise, Gregory has threatened to tie me up…seriously.

I am officially at 35 weeks now and the doctors are fine to let things progress naturally; so no more nasty drugs!! Well, almost no more. Turns out my body does worse on bed-rest than it does running around like a crazed lady with ADD. I think I am the only pregnant lady who can actually lose weight while on bed rest for a week! Yes, down a pound; but up 1 cm in belly growth. Emma is getting bigger; I am getting scrawny. For the past 3 days I have been sick as a dog and taking anti-nausea medicine. Another bonus side effect of impending delivery, but of course no definite timeline suggested…it could be tomorrow or 4 more weeks…lovely. Anyhow, if you want to hop on the new diet craze, just get knocked up and wait 9 months.

At one point in time we thought we might be taking Emma home with us over the weekend. You see, since Tuesday, Emma has been “migrating” downward and in the process some other “bits” get squished. Let’s just say that sometimes “accidents” happen and at this stage the doctors want to make sure that I had not broken my water. In which case they were going to admit me immediately and induce. I was a bit shocked, concerned and unprepared, but I was logical enough to have my first question lined up if I was to be induced: “when can I get the epidural?” and second “can I have a shot of gin?.” Good news is that my water was not broken; bad news is now I am peeing my pants. Better not sneeze…..

Really, at this point in time, anything is humorous. I am sure I am grossing some people out, but what the hell, this is my blog and I can write about peeing in my bike shorts during a race, so I can talk about peeing my pants while pregnant.

On the dilating front, still 1 cm, but now I am 50% effaced. Things are moving along.
My doctor told me; 2 more weeks would be great if we can get that…..so, I am crossing my legs for the time being.

My doctor also looked at my chart and the recent string of events to happen within the past 2 weeks; she then looked at Gregory and asked what my “delivery” present was....I am not sure if she was expecting the answer that she got.

I think the doctors are slowly getting an idea of who they are dealing with (now they see me every week other than once a month) when my husband mumbled “a bike frame”…

Doctor: Silece…. “oh, ok, that is nice and unique. Usually women ask for jewelry and diamonds”

Gregory: “I offered her that, but we had to negotiate. Apparently pregnancy warrants a bike frame”

Doctor (looking at me): “You know that you won’t be able to ride right after you deliver?”

Me (in stirrups): “are we done yet?”

And of course I will make sure to attach a bucket seat to my new bike frame to haul Emma around in.

So, there you have it folks, Emma will arrive sometime “soon” whether that be a day from now or 4 weeks depends on how the moon aligns and whether or not they are playing Grey’s Anatomy re-runs….yes, you can sense my sarcasm. It Is like being at the end of an Ironman yet they keep changing the finish line +/- 10 miles. All that being said, I do feel more reassured now; 35 weeks is acceptable, not perfect, but good enough should Emma decide to be impatient (gee, I really keep wondering where she gets that from??). So now I just sit back, relax and cross my legs….