Eviction Notice Served!

I didn’t know how to take it this morning when the doctor walked into the office, took a look at me and said “wow! You’re still pregnant!”…. Don’t get me wrong, I am by no means 42 weeks or long overdue (although it seems like it since it has been 6 weeks since things started going crazy with my body) but, because we have 4 doctors to rotate with and this one saw me 4 weeks ago in the ER and put me on bed rest, I think she was under the assumption I would pop early….little did she know we are dealing with MY child.

So, I will have you all know that the Ambien is working wonders! I can now sleep 3 hours at a time before contractions wake me up (can you sense the sarcasm..But at least it is better than last week when I had NO sarcasm). Contractions have “changed”…I don’t like to say “gotten stronger” or make any assumptions here, because heck, I have NO idea of what full blown labor is going to feel like, but things are different and Emma is REALLY launched in my crotch now. It is like walking with a basketball between the legs and the peanut gallery (aka Gregory) bursts into fits of laughter when I have to get up and walk. After 5 weeks of no weight gain, I just put on the mother-load…4 lbs in 6 days…and I swell up like a cheese poof! I am still peeing myself because they checked to see if my water had broke today...no such luck…sigh. Oh, and I have dilated a whopping 0%; this is real progress folks.

Despite my desperate begs to induce this Friday (1 day before 39 weeks); you will notice, gone are the sobs of last week “Am I a bad mom if I ask you to induce before 40 weeks!!??” and replaced with “I don’t care how, just get her out!” (I made a new best-friend nurse who said I was her favorite mom-to-be because I wanted to do it the “easy way”) the doctor kept a firm stand on Monday. Which, I can fully understand and respect; sanctions are in place for certain reasons. And really, why wouldn’t I want to spend another weekend bonding with my unborn squirming child, Ambien and gummi bears?...Plus, I do have a few things to take care of before Emma arrives, including stocking up on the olives (for the gin martini) and tonic water (for the gin and tonic) and a sushi menu (for the 20 rolls of sushi I will stuff my face with once Emma arrives!).

All kidding aside, some people have asked me if I am nervous/scared/excited and the answer is a little bit of everything. As for labor, since it will be a controlled induction….which, I like to joke about that they will pump me full of pitocin till I am contracting like crazy and I still WON’T dilate (Gregory jokes Emma has put up an electric fence around my uterus, a brick wall and has guard dogs because she is content on eating gummi bears and gelato, and is in a temperature regulated environment in the middle of one heck of a hot summer!) Anyhow, back to controlled induction; the minute it starts to hurt, I am going for the epidural. In my mind, they can load me up with as much pitocin as they want to get the process rolling as long as I have an epidural or some sort of narcotic; I am not picky. And, God forbid, if there are complications, they can get Emma out however they wish, just as long as she gets out healthy and safe. I know, I am a really high pain-in-the-butt patient…actually, I AM considering the last 6 weeks and that every doctor/nurse/staff knows who I am, but I blame it on Emma; she is high maintenance.

One thing I am going to say, and it is not to judge or be judged by anyone. But, I REFUSE to set expectations about birthing….if I have learned anything at all over the past 6 weeks, It is everyone is different. How you get to the end goal does not matter, the only thing that matters is that Gregory and I end up with a healthy, screaming (even cone-headed and squished face) Emma.

And that cone-headed, squished face comment comes from the latest pregnancy magazine that lists all the things your husband “may” want to say about your new child/childbirth process vs. what he should say. Somehow I don’t think that Gregory reads these magazines….he is the man who steals my “pregnancy pillow” in the middle of the night and jokes about my “barricaded cervix.”

So, here is how it is going to go down. On Sunday I get to go to the hospital to have a “balloon” put into my cervix by my favorite doctor: the cutest 4 foot lady with a booming, energetic voice; she is a maternity cheerleader! It’s like a party, balloons and all!! I know, TMI, but if my cervix is not dilated, they need to help it out. Then home to sleep and Monday morning I go in to be hooked up to the pitocin drip…and the epidural..Can’t forget that! Then Emma will be evicted whether she likes it or not. AND the doctor on call for the “delivery” is the one who dealt with me in the hospital 6 weeks ago with infections and all, so I am SURE she is just as excited to learn she won’t have to deal with me anymore. Overall, it is shaping up to be quite the day!

One more thing…people ask me what I look forward to the most not being pregnant. And as much as everyone bets it is that “drink” or roll of “sushi” it is actually being able to eat a “full” meal. The stomach is a muscle; I will TRAIN it back into shape! I also can’t wait to get in the pool (have not been in since the infections due to obvious reasons); yes, hell just froze over…I said I wanted to get in the water! I also want to get back on the bike…but, that is no surprise and Gregory and I have started looking at some frame. I am also not sure what it will be like not to have a squirming baby inside of me or feel a contraction every 10 minutes. That being said, I think there will be MANY other things to keep my attention.

So, there you have it…baby Menvielle WILL be here soon and the fun is about to begin. Starting with Friday…the French invasion begins! Oh Lord…if there is nothing cuter/exciting than a newborn it must be the soon-to-be grandparent(s). Oh, and for the record, I DID manage to remove my 2 month old toenail polish the other day…now I just need to find the flexibility and energy to re-paint them. My Auntie-In-Law is extremely concerned that my toenails look nice since they will probably be the first thing Emma sees when she comes out. If Emma is not here by Friday, I know what Cocole will be doing on Saturday!

So, I am sure everyone is tired of reading about “Baby Emma” and “Pregnancy”…next post will still be about “Baby Emma” hopefully with cute pictures and all!