Squirrel Hunting

Yesterday marked one month until my latest-possible-due-date. What does that mean? Well, that means that if all goes accordingly, because we all know that things have been progressing extremely smoothly throughout my pregnancy that we should have a little Emma with us on August 7th!!

So, in accordance to this impending arrival, Gregory took it upon himself to put the stroller together (cue in “Mission Impossible” theme song) and no, the stroller did not end up looking like those he “tried out” in Babies R Us. Success!


Other news…we made it through the July 4th weekend WITHOUT any more trips to the ER and even celebrated our anniversary. Carrying on with my healthy diet, we made sure to celebrate 3 years married and nourish ourselves accordingly with fries and 2 pieces of cheesecake (hey, I get everything in 2’s these days!). Gregory got a salad; so lame!

I also realized I forgot to tell everyone about my garden!! Those of you who know me well, understand that I have this natural gift. I kill plants! Nothing more to it, just looking at them makes them whither up and die. I am the queen of drying roses, but as for keeping them alive…one week, max! Speaking of roses, Gregory got me some beautiful ones for our anniversary!! I am so spoiled…they are not dead yet …


Ok, back to the balcony garden. For once, I managed to keep something alive for more than a day. A few weeks actually! And then it wasn’t even my fault when things started going downhill. All of a sudden, Gregory’s tomatoes started to go missing…then a herb plant knocked over…and finally a bunch of rose buds magically disappearing from my rose bush. I thought it was my curse!! But then, one day, while sitting on the couch, I caught the culprit!!

CAUGHT RED HANDED!!

Now, that does not necessarily explain why all the rest of the flowers in the house are silk or any of the living plants belong to Gregory….but, for the time being, it is not my fault. I CAN keep a garden going and I DO have a green thumb (a very short one). Gregory is now busy booby-trapping our balcony to kill the squirrel.

What else…hmmm…oh, yeah! I am teaching myself how to knit and crochet! My mom and Gregory laughed their a$$ off at me when I told them I was going to do such a thing. Gregory thinks I am a fuddy-duddy and my mom thinks my attention span and inability to coordinate may “hinder” my progress. I told Gregory he can thank me when he wears some nice warm mittens and scarves this winter. Honestly, this stuff is hard! I am not coordinated and this takes coordination. But, I AM determined. If per chance I go into labor and the tour is not on TV I will need something to keep me busy. So far, I have knitted one “cube” and learned a few crochet stitches. I am determined! I have a bunch of yarn, a few patterns and now I just need to execute….final last words before someone finds me trying to choke myself with the circular knitting needles.

Ok, and I know all of you are dying to know what our little monster (I am talking about Emma, not me) is up to since they released me from bed-rest. The answer is “nothing”!! Holy crap! I was ready to pop this kid out 3 weeks ago and they pumped me full of drugs to stop it. Now, I am having contractions and have clearance to evict this kid, but the contractions are nothing regular or patterned, although they are stronger and uncomfortable. Yesterday we were in for a check-up and I thought I might have a bit of progress as in dilation/effacement. Nope, nothing, nadda!! I told Gregory I might lose it since my belly has been experiencing “Charlie horses” since Monday night…and according to the doctor, this could go on for weeks!! AND according to the doctor, I should come into the hospital when my water breaks or the contractions are so bad I can’t walk through them...lovely. You should have seen Gregory bite his tongue when he really wanted to tell them that I broke my pelvis running and that sort of pain-scale might not be the best to recommend to me; now we have friends placing bets on if I will make it to the hospital in time for an epidural. All I can say is that if I don’t make it in time for the epidural, the doctor is feeding me shots of gin until I can’t feel anything down there….

Practically speaking, Emma should cook for one more week, so I will try to be Miss Positive “I love being pregnant because it makes me feel so maternal and beautiful and I love my big boobs (I still think I was ripped off in this department, I mean I am barely a C-cup, C’mon, I think I earned a bit more than that!)” till I hit 37 weeks, then I am letting the “crazy” lose. Yup, my legs may fall out of my sockets but I start running again; oh, and for the record, all the crap hit the fan health-wise for me the minute I stopped my running/regular exercise. So for all of you nay-sayers, I am NOT listening! I will do sit-ups till this kid pops out or my water breaks and I will drink the “tea”…but I WONT do the castor oil (I will spare you all the details of why).

Some of you may think I am being overdramatic, and yes, I know I am (plus, if I wasn’t it wouldn’t be funny!). But, keep in mind that most pregnant women start getting/feeling contractions around 37-38 weeks and see progress at that stage. Their engines are revving up. Well, I am NOT at 37-38 weeks yet and my engine has been revving for a month already; I might be having Charlie horses (my new word for fake contractions) for 4 more weeks and to be honest, that thought is not very appealing. I am over pregnancy, hospitals and I just want to meet Emma. There…rant over, time for gelato…

On a more positive note, Emma is “docked and loaded” according to the doctor….I am not sure how to take that….Oh, and I put on the 1 lb I lost last week. My a$$ is looking very voluptuous.

Gelato…important stuff!